


In This Short Life

by DontRememberMe



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Attack on titan Universe to Modern AU, Character Death, Doctor/Patient, Eren Loves Levi, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Levi Loves Eren, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Original Universe, Patient Eren, Reincarnation, Self-Harm, Suicidal Eren Yeager, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Therapist Levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-09-21 14:10:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9552344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontRememberMe/pseuds/DontRememberMe
Summary: Coming from the well known and dreary Attack on Titan universe... One full of death and regret and broken promises, to a modern and calm life. One without so much death and monsters. Or so they thought...After Erens court ordered execution, Levi cannot live without him by his side like the faithful companion and lover he was. He became only half alive without him. What comes after death? Is it another life or is it just nothing but cold darkness for eternity?*WARNING*This story will have possible triggers and eventual smut since I'm a dark and kinky writer. Read at own risk. Remember, I love you and you are valued!~*DISCLAIMER*I do not own Attack on Titan (AOT/SNK) or it's amazing and well developed characters! That right belongs to the one and only Hajime Isayama!~*COPYRIGHT*I do, however, own the plot of this fanfiction. If ever re-posting, please credit me appropriately!~ ^_^





	1. With or Without You

"I hear by approve the execution of one, Eren Yeager. A dangerous Titan shifter. His execution will help preserve humanity since there is no more hope left that he can save it. He his a danger and a menace to what's left of our population and we cannot move forward if we keep him alive any longer than we already have. By decreeing this and approving this choice, humanity can live another day without the extra threat that this child can transform at any given time and kill us all."

The judges voice was cold and heartless as Eren was bowed before him on the ground in chains, spiteful and judging eyes never breaking from his abused form. He said he would go without a fight, yet they still felt like it was absolutely necessary to hit him anyway and make him bleed. He refused to look up and meet the eyes of anyone as his already healing cuts a bruises emitted steam, healing him. Only monsters were treated this way, was he really that bad? There were only a couple of people who looked at him as they felt their hearts break and bleed. As the only friends, family and witnesses on the teenagers side, it was mandatory they be there to witness the death of the 'Monster'. 

Armin, Mikasa, Levi and the Commander all had to bear witness to the death of Eren, they watched him remain stoic and silent on the ground, his eyes closed as he waited for the fatal blow that would end his life. Armin and Mikasa watched with tears in their eyes, their throats completely closed up. They couldn't look away. Levi had to be strong, no one apart from the people next to him knew about his and Erens relationship. If word got out, both would be in deep trouble and possible banned from Military service, not that it would matter on Erens side now anyway. Levi started to shake with anger as he clenched his jaw, he had to remain calm, Mikasa and Erwins hand on either of his shoulders keeping him grounded, reminding him to not lash out in a fit of rage. What this bastard of a judge was was saying wasn't true, sure, Eren could transform into a 'Monster', but he was far from being one. He'd never hurt anyone.

"The female Scouting Soldier Mikasa Ackerman of the Survey Corps, Eren Yeagers adopted Sister so to speak, will also be taken into custody once she bears witness to this final act. We cannot simply trust her and let her go. In the last court session regarding Eren Yeager, possibilities arose that she could be a Monster just like him, therefore we must run mandatory tests on her mind and body. Her continued life is also in question, but execution is debatable at this point since she is the second strongest solder in any regiment, just coming close to Levi Ackerman of the Survey Corps."

Both Levi and Mikasa shook with rage after that, even if Mikasa was like him, that wasn't fair. They glanced to Eren, the last time they tried to drag Mikasa into this, he couldn't keep quiet. The same thing happened again.

"HEY! Don't you fucking dare!" He seethed, tears in his eyes as he shook with rage. Every one else gasped and backed away by a step. "S-She's not like me! She's not anything like me you Bastard!" He spat, hot tears now rolling down his face "You can't do that!"

"Soldiers, get your guns at the ready!" He Judge ordered, glaring at the 15 year old before him before going through his papers

Erens eyes widened as he gritted his teeth, glancing to his friends and lover at the side. They were not allowed to be any closer to him, all he wanted to do was hold them close and tell them everything was going to be okay. He wanted to kiss Levi goodbye. Feel his heart beat against his one more time. More hot tears streaked down his face as Levi mouthed a silent "I love you" to his other half, his stoic expression slowly breaking as his eyes became glassy, his fingernails digging into the wooden barrier that separated them till they became sore and bled. Eren shut his eyes tight and let out a small whimper, his heart shattering. If he could change anything, it would be that they didn't have to be there to remember him this way.

"As my final order and statement comes to a close, let it be known that Eren Yeager died at 15 years old on this day in order to help preserve humanity. A full court room, Wall Priests and special witnesses; Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman, Captain Levi Ackerman and Commander Erwin Smith bore witness to Eren Yeagers death. You may now take your aim and fire when ready."

The Soldiers pointed their guns at him, their fingers slowly adding pressure to the trigger as they aimed for his head, heart and chest, it was the fastest way to kill a beast after all.

"Stop. Wait a moment." the judge spoke as he rose a pale hand up to the air to stop any action from happening, just before the final pull of the triggers commenced. He was looking through different papers on his podium before him as the room fell deadly silent. "Regarding Erens last court session when he was entrusted into the Survey Corps hands and watch. Regretfully so I might add." He glared at Levi and the Commander "Reading through the papers from that session, it comes to my attention that it was recorded that one Levi Ackerman is to be the one to execute Eren Yeager." He glanced the shorter male in the stands, a subtle sinister smile on his face... And Levis sure as Hell noticed.

At hearing this, flashbacks of what he stated back then in the very room they were in came to mind, making his eyes widen in realization. He muttered a curse under his breath as he shook his head slowly, fighting back the threatening tears in his stinging eyes.

"That was only in the situation that Yeager lost control... A final call." He muttered, glaring at the spiteful judge

"Never the less, you stated that you would be the one to kill the beast. You also showed you that you were able to control him, but we can see now that you failed regarding that simple issue. As his Captain, you should take responsibility for your mistake."

Levi dug his fingernails deeper into the wood, not caring of the dull throbbing pain as they bled.

"I refuse..." he looked down, gritting his teeth as he swallowed thickly

"On what grounds? Are you really going to be deamed as 'Untrustworthy' in the eyes of the court? If that's the case, you will be imprisoned and possibly executed for leading the higher ups under false pretenses."

He had no choice. He nodded slowly as he swallowed the painful lump in his throat, fighting back the tears as he slowly stepped forward. He couldn't believe this, he didn't want to...

Maybe this was a dream, maybe he'd wake up like he usually did, with Eren in his arms and the annoying sun in his eyes that caused him to nuzzle more into his warm lover, tickling his nose in brown messy hair in the process as he tried to shield his eyes from the sun...

But no, this was no dream, this was a very real nightmare.

Levi slowly dragged himself to the middle of the court room and Mikasa couldn't hold back the tears anymore. She didn't care that she would be taken away after this. She didn't care. She just wanted Eren back... But that wasn't going to happen. She couldn't save him this time.

Levi felt as though he was being ripped apart violently on the inside, piece by piece and slowly and painfully. He felt the blood drain from his heart. A soldier handed him a gun with a bored expression and he swore he could have punched him and everyone else that wanted his Lover dead. He took the weapon with shaking hands regardless, his body moving on it's own. Eren looked up slowly, mouthing a silent "It's okay" as he nodded slowly, his tears running down his beaten tanned face and onto the tiles below him as he shook. His brilliant eyes were dull and sad, like he was ready to meet his demise. It was then his stoic composure broke, the first crack being two tears running down his pale face and dripping onto the firearm in his hands. He couldn't take his broken steel blue eyes from his lovers, both started to shake more violently as they broke down in silent tears.

Levi dropped the gun, it hit the floor with a loud thud as he wiped his tears away and hid his wreaked face. Everyone judged and stared at the two males in confusion as the room fell only half silent, gossiping and spiteful whispers echoing throughout the court room. Armin, Mikasa and Erwin looked down. They were the only ones that understood how difficult this must be for them, they knew no words could ever describe the pain they must be bleeding.

"I c-can't..."

That was the first time anyone ever heard the infamous Levi Ackerman stutter. Eyes widened as the talking got louder and Levi felt like he was going to be collapse and be sick. the judge sighed in irritation as he hit the table with his gavel.

"Silence. Captain, you are hear by ordered to execute Eren Yeager till his heart stops beating. If you refuse, you will be killed on the spot."

Levi dug his nails into the palms of his shaking hands until blood dripped onto the tiles at his feet. He closed his eyes for a moment before he looked at Eren, desperation was all over his face.

"C-Captain... P-Please... Y-You have too... We c-can't both be killed..." He whimpered quietly

Levi swallowed and nodded slowly in understanding, he knew what he had to do. He wished he was dead. Anything but this. They would never get to live their dream together. They'd never get to see the world outside the walls together. They would never see the ocean and live their lives together peacefully, without having to fight everyday to stay alive. They would never be bound to one another as husbands. Not that they needed anything to prove that they loved each other.

"I-I want to do this by my own means necessary, by sword. It's a more honorable way to go rather than to be shot down like a vicious animal." He spoke slowly, his tone quiet, dangerous and almost unrecognizable.

The judge sighed and nodded, allowing him to draw his sword. His hands still shook as he looked at his and Erens reflection in the cold steel that would soon spill innocent blood. He clenched his jaw as he gripped the handle and closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to compose himself, but it wasn't going to be possible. He was about to kill his Lover and he had no way out.

"L-Levi... I-It's okay... Just... J-Just do it quickly..."

"H-How can I?..." He whimpered quietly, a tear landing on the blade in his hand.

"I would d-do so many things right now if m-my hands weren't cuffed... Please... It's okay..."

"D-Damn it, E-Eren..." He roughly wiped his face again

Levi raised his sword as Eren closed his eyes, waiting. Levi held back his sobs as the blade shook. Levi kneeled down in front of him as the Judge sighed impatiently, tapping his nails on the dark wood that was his podium. Levi ignored the obnoxious sounds as his silent tears landed on Erens lap. He couldn't kill him this way.

"Eren... Look at me..." He whispered

Eren opened his eyes slowly as more of his tears ran down his face as he sniffed a bit, his breath hitching in his throat as he seen the pain written all over his lovers face. Levi wanted to take all of their pain away, he wanted nothing more than to just take him and run. But that wasn't an option. he grasped the back of his hair, his pale and slender fingers knotting into messy brown hair as he pulled him forward and pressed his lips against his own roughly. The audience they had gasped in disgust, they didn't care. Their brows furrowed at the pain in their chests as it rose higher and higher and they swore it could have consumed them right there and then. It was their most deepest and meaningful kiss ever as their tears mixed with one another, the loving action only causing them to cry harder. Erens eyes widened and he weakly smiled into the kiss as he felt a sharp pain in his abdomen, after a few moments, Levi could taste the blood coming from Erens mouth as he continued to try and kiss the pain away.

"I-I love you..."


	2. A Choice With No Regrets

"I-I love you..."

"I l-love you t-too..."

Levi couldn't even compose his voice at this point and he didn't want to try... He had eventually learned to let Eren in to break his inner walls down, he'd never hide how he felt or lie to him. He had just fatally stabbed his lover, his new reason to fight and return home safe, of course he was going to be a mess...

"H-Hey... D-Don't frown... P-Please d-don't..." He coughed, blood splattering on the tiles below

"E-Eren... I love you... I love you... I love you..." He repeated, feeling like he was breaking in the most violent and hurtful way possible as he tore himself apart over and over. He dug the blade in deeper, the boys blood staining his hands as tears mixed in with the red substance.

Eren gritted his teeth through the life-ending pain, more tears mixing with the cocktail of tears and blood below the pair.

"T-This... T-This isn't your f-fault... P-Please... Y-You have t-t-to keep g-going..." He winced as he tried to reassure him. He took a sharp breath, the action only causing his chest to hurt more. "Y-You h-have t-t-to stay a-alive... F-For m-me... D-Don't blame y-yourself..." He cried "I-I love you t-too Levi... S-So much... F-Forget about m-me and m-move on..."

Levis eyes widened as he swallowed thickly and gritted his teeth almost painfully.

"W-What the Hell?! How... H-How can you say that, Eren?! I love you!"

Both males were breathing heavily as Levi pushed the sword in deeper, half intentional and half unintentional. He shook his head violently, more tears streaking down his face. Eren smiled weakly as he pulled against the cuffs just as weakly, wanting nothing more than to just hold him as he died.

"Get the fucking cuffs off now!" He spat, not taking his eyes off of his dying love

"But-"

"There's not a fucking God damn thing he can do to transform now you fucking idiot! Do as I say! Now!"

"Y-Yes, Lance Corporal Levi!" The Soldier cowered

A Soldier clumsily and quickly unlocked Erens cuffs and backed away quickly, still being stupidly afraid of the 15 year old. The teen immediately leaned forward, pushing the sword in painfully deeper as he coughed up more blood as he held Levi, his head weakly resting against his shoulder, the metallic substance spilling down his shoulder. He didn't care, he wanted to hold him as he died, his tears dripping slowly onto his clothes.

Levi cried violently on Erens shoulder, taking in his scent that was now tainted with his spilled blood, his free hand rubbing his back and tangling in his messy hair as he twisted the sword sharply, whimpering quietly as he did so. He swore he could feel the exact same pain Eren was in as his life was slowly depleting. Not long now...

"I love you, L-Levi... D-Don't... _J-Just... S-Stay a-alive... P-Promise ... You h-have t-to promise m-me..."

"Shhh... E-Eren, close your eyes..."

"N-No... L-Levi... P-Please... D-Don't make t-this more p-painful..." He cried, his voice muffled into his shoulder

"I-I promise, E-Eren..."

Soon after, Erens body became limp against his own after coughing up more blood over his shoulder. He muttered a last "I love you" as his heart stopped beating. Levi held everything back as he felt his body become cold.

In the stands, muffled and pained screams and whimpers could be heard from Mikasa and Armin as one tried to support the other. Mikasa looked like she could drop dead, it was no surprise when a loud thud was heard as her weak body hit the hard floor, her face showing she wished she was dead. She failed as a Sister, that's what she told herself anyway. Armin was worried sick as hot tears streamed down his face as he tried to pick her up and carry her, she didn't need too see any of this. Neither of them did. Erwin had a grim and sad expression, though it was nothing close to what the other two were feeling. They were his family.

"Imprison the female Ackerman for now, take her away. The act is done, Eren Yeager is no longer breathing and his beastly heart is no longer beating. You are all free to leave. Mikasa Ackermans fate will be determined over the next few days." The judge spoke, his tone cold, bored and uncaring "Dispose of Eren Yeagers body before you leave this room, and clean up this horrible mess. It's disgusting." He added, looking to the remaining Soldiers as he sighed in irritation from the mixture of blood, sweat and tears surrounding the two lovers.

Levi gritted his teeth, holding his dead love close to him as he buried his face deeper into his neck, wanting him to stay warm.

"I'll find you again... T-That I swear... I'll never let anyone tear u-us apart a-again... No one will hurt you..." He whispered to the corpse in his arms

.

How could he still say he loved him with what he had just done? No one should ever have to kill their lover... And Levi was now feeling the crushing blow, now only seeing the young titan shifters blood on his pale and still-shaking hands. A few hours had passed and Levi was still reeling from the event that took place. 

The way they handled his body... Disgusted him to no end. He couldn't irritate the higher ups more than he already had, hoping if he stayed collected, on the outside at least, they would at least be respectful of his partners deceased corpse. But how would he know... He was sentenced into a different trial room very soon after for what he did to the young boy before piercing him with his sword. Needless to say, he got himself in big trouble for doing that to his subordinate. He was just lucky enough to get away with it, the act being brushed under the carpet and being passed and described as "A simple act in the heat of the moment where both parties were delusional and un-composed and un-focused." He scoffed at that, but didn't care, he wanted out. He could still smell the metallic scent of Erens blood and it wasn't leaving him alone anytime soon... And he swore he would still hear his heart beat quietly thumping in his ears, the very thing that only beat for him, come to a stop. Like a broken record, the sound would repeat over and over again. The short silence after the repetitive and soothing sound making cold blue eyes glass over every time, then it would restart in his ears and give him false hope as he looked over his shoulder only for the soothing sound to end all over again. It had only been a couple hours, but he kept seeing his cherished lover at the corner of his eyes, he kept hearing his joyful voice and laugh.

After being in a relationship with him, Eren had calmed down just a bit and Levi was the only one with the power to do it. He still had his fiery passion and heart felt spite and anger, but he smiled more... And he would never see that bright smile or brilliant set of eyes ever again. The ones that were always filled with passion, fire and hope, the ones that shined brighter whenever he seen him.

Levi couldn't take this... He couldn't stand it... The emptiness... The loneliness... The heart breaking guilt. He wanted to kill that judge but wondered what really would have been better... This way, dying by his own blood-stained hands, at least Eren didn't die alone and restrained... Unable to be held or comforted or soothed. He ghosted his fingers across his lips, still feeling his lovers against his own. He swallowed thickly as he tasted the same blood in his mouth as before when he pierced precious tanned skin, Erens blood coming up his throat, the very thing of him that once emitted sweet laughter and words to him, dripping from his mouth and lips as it slipped into his own mouth as he tried to kiss the pain away. He couldn't take this. he didn't want to. He was alone again...

"I'm so s-sorry, Eren... I... I-I can't k-keep your promise... I-I just can't do i-it..." He cried quietly into his empty quarters, hot tears streaming down his already-stained face as he held his head in his hands "...Y-You need to u-understand... I-I love you s-so fucking much... I c-can't live without y-you... I will never regret this... I told you... I-I'll find you again... Whatever it t-takes... I need you h-here with me..."

After whimpering quietly to no one in his empty room, his better judgment being clouded by crippling nothingness, he brought the same blood-stained sword to his chest, right where his heart was beating painfully slow. He couldn't bring himself to clean his blade and make it look like nothing ever happened on this day. This was the day that Eren Yeager and Levi Ackerman both died, in more ways than one, as their minds, hearts and souls shattered. Levi needed his lover, he was nothing without him by his side and he simply couldn't live without him. He needed to feel his heart beat along side his and feel his soft breath against his skin. He smiled weakly, their memories together clouding his mind, making the sharp pain dull and throb as his blade pierced his skin. Every time they lied together, every sensitive and claiming mark they left on the other, every hazy morning they woke up together wrapped in the others strong arms as one whispered sweet nothings in the others ear, every time they fought, every time they just held each other close and confided in the other and showed one how much the other loved them. They had plans that would never happen, taking back what rightfully belonged to humanity for it's greater good, living peacefully together until the end as one became bounded to the other to have and to hold, for better or worse, till death do they part. Levi closed his tired eyes slowly, feeling the the red substance drip down his skin and stain his clothes, he surrendered to the dark abyss as the soft sound of his blood dripped to the floor beneath his feet.

"I'm coming, Eren..."


	3. In This Life {Eren}

Eren woke up early, the sun peering through the cheap hospital curtains stirring him awake. He hissed a bit to the unwelcome light seeping into his room and shielded his eyes with bandaged arms. He sighed irritated. He was having his rare and preferred dreamless sleep and something as common as the sun had made him wake. He had night terrors ever since his Mother was brutally killed in front of him when he was a kid and his father left right when he needed him most. He was left to his own destruction but managed to get his own place eventually, even a job so he can pay rent without the help from anyone.

That's when it got worse.

His nightmares became more and more frequent, usually only having one terrible one per night, to having multiple ones in one night. They made him wake up not being able to breathe as they choked him. He would always wake up hyperventilating, crying or screaming. He preferred not to sleep, his free time at night then being just him and his thoughts.

"You weren't strong enough"

"This is your fault, like everything else"

"You're weak, worthless"

Eren cut himself to the point he became unconscious due to a large amount of blood loss. He almost didn't make it and it became touch and go for a moment. But what did it matter? He didn't want to be here anymore. There was nothing for him to live for. Ever since he could remember, he felt like something was missing. He felt incomplete and nothing ever filled the void. Apart from when he was hurting himself, only then did he feel like he was doing something right and constructive with his life. He had carved line after line in his arms, even some X's. The fire from his arms reminded him he was still alive and he sighed as he glared out the window. He could hear birds chirping outside, cars driving on the road. Life was nothing, meaningless. To him anyway, what exactly was he living for? He'd made a good bet he knew who was to blame for his continued breathing.

"E-Eren, you're awake..."

Mikasa...

Mikasa was Erens adopted Sister, though, he felt like they had a bond like no other and had known each other forever. He didn't hate her, but wish she would stop saving him every God damn time he tried to end it all. He remained silent as he glanced to her with a soft sigh.

"Doctor said they are thinking about transferring you to a mental facility..." She looked down and wiped at her face. She hated seeing him this way.

His eyes widened a bit at that, a mental facility? An Institute? He got that he was a little messed up, but he wasn't crazy.

"No. I don't want to..." He spoke quietly

"You might not get a choice anymore, you need to prove that you won't try this again and that you're stable..."

So much for his plan when he eventually got out of this stupid hospital...

"A-Alright... Fine..." He exhaled a shaking breath "...Just... Just don't let them send me away, Mika... P-Please..." He looked up to her with glassy bloodshot eyes

She sighed and rubbed her face, she was exhausted.

"I... I'll see what I can do..."

"You did't stay here for however long I've been here, did you? You didn't keep yourself awake, right?..." He frowned

"You really scared us, Eren..." She sniffed

He looked down and played with the frayed ends of his bandages. He didn't like worrying his friends, Mikasa and Armin included. But they were really all he had. Armin was like his brother.

"I'm sorry... It's just... hard..." He sighed

"Eren, you need to talk to us if you're feeling like you're gonna..." She trailed off

"I know..."

She sighed and sat beside him, taking his hand into her own firmly, giving it a reassuring squeeze to show him she was here for him like always. She leaned over and kissed his cheek, running her fingers through his hair and resting her head on his shoulder. She was always able to make him feel even the slightest bit better. They would do this for each other when they were younger, Mikasa always had nightmares. Both of her parents had been brutally murdered in front of her at a young age. They shared the same pain.

"Please E-Eren... Just talk to us... To anyone..." He voice shook a bit "I... I can't lose you too... Don't make me go through it again..."

Eren closed his eyes and let his tears fall, holding her close, choosing to say nothing. He couldn't. His throat closed up. Mikasa knew he was crying, she watched a water substance drip into her dark hair, the drop of water running down a short strand and dripping onto the white bed sheets beside their holding hands. After a moment of silence and one holding the other, Mikasa cleared her throat and wiped her face again.

"I'll see what I can do, alright?... Can... Can you stay with me for the time being?..."

"Mikasa, I-"

"Eren, please..." She looked down and closed her eyes, her hand subconsciously holding his tighter.

Eren sighed and looked to her with a pained expression, looking to their hands that were not wet with tears. Neither one really wanted to let go.

"A-Alright... Fine... I'll stay with you... But, Mikasa, I really don't want to trouble y-"

He was cut off by her taking him in a tight hug, his shoulder dampening with her tears. He sighed softly and rubbed her back, resting his tired head on her shoulder.

"I just want to make sure you're safe and in a safe environment where you're not alone... It was too close a call this time..."

"Sorry..." He muttered

"You're still here... That's all that matters to me, Eren. You know that" She sighed softly, kissing his temple "I'll see what I can do about getting you out today. Since you've agreed to come with me, it might not be a problem. I know how to change your bandages anyway"

"Alright..." He nodded

"I'll go find your Doctor and have a small chat. I'll be back in a minute, yeah?"

He hummed in response and watched her leave his room with a yawn. God, he was tired. Guess blood loss does that. He sighed and went through random thoughts in his head, the dark ones already slowly creeping back to bite him. He shook his head and ran his hands through his messy brown hair. Mikasa didn't take long to come back.

"I can take you with me now, I'll gather your stuff and help you dress"

"I can do that myself... You're not Mom..." Eren sighed heavily

"Eren, don't argue with me..." She said, putting some of his stuff in a bag

"Just let me dress myself damn it"

Mikasa sighed and shook her head, throwing a clean change of clothes over to him.

"What about my oth-" He asked quietly

"I washed them. they're in my house."

Eren nodded and slipped off his Hospital clothes, shrugging into a clean shirt and only wincing slightly as he felt the stitching pull a bit.

"Are you alr-"

"I'm fine..."

"Just be careful..."

Eren sighed and nodded, managing to slip on a pair of dark jeans.

"Thanks for getting my clothes... You are like Mom sometimes..." He admitted

She smiled softly to him and helped him from his bed, holding his arm as she carried his bag with her other as they made their way out the hospital and to Mikasas house. Today was going to be a long day.


	4. In This Life {Levi}

Levi groaned as he went through his list of referrals, this mornings hangover throbbing in his skull. He was slumped over his desk, huffing his longer strands of his out of his eyes as he lazily poured himself another small glass of whiskey. It was near enough the only thing to get him drunk now a days. Work was stressful, he had his own issues to deal with but his work forced him to sit though patients tragic backstories and help them figure out what was wrong with them and what it was they could do better their lives. But what was there to better his own life? Nothing. There was nothing but alcohol to fill his void and take away the stress for a little while. It was ironic that a therapist couldn't help himself, he sighed heavily in irritation the more he thought about the irony.

He shook his head, immediately regretting the movement as the room span afterwards, his brain painfully bouncing against his skull, making his headache worse.

"Fuck this..." He muttered, pushing the patient papers off his dark mahogany desk and folding his arms over his head in defeat, another deep groan coming from his throat. He only moved his hand and raised his head slightly to sip at the poison he just poured himself, his wet lips almost sighing in relief afterwards.

Luckily, this week, he was able to work from home and he was more than happy with that. His boss would defiantly not let him drink on the job in fear he would offer any to recovering addicts or just become stupidly intoxicated while talking to his patients or while filling out their paperwork. But a little at home never hurt anyone, it simply got him through the day. And what his boss didn't know, wouldn't hurt anyone.

He huffed irritably, knowing he should pick up his papers.

He huffed even more irritably when he heard his phone go off.

Of course it was his boss, almost knowing he had acted 'Unprofessional', even while at home.

He cleared his throat, closing his eyes for a brief moment to compose himself not not make his voice sound too rough before he picked up his at home work phone, swirling the amber contents in the small glass around in his free hand as he concentrated on the pretty liquids movements.

"Hello Erwin, what is it?.." He tried to add the smallest part of any normal emotion to his usual stoic and monotone voice as he rolled his eyes, taking a sip of his chosen beverage afterwards and licking his wet lips.

"Levi, you're fine working from home, right? Everythings okay? I know how you can be with your... Distractions, I just want to make sure you're getting your work done so you don't have even more to do when you come back in next week." He sounded slightly concerned.

As expected.

Erwin was his only friend really, along with his Wife, Hanji. He had only ever really known or talked to them throughout most of his adult life, and they all worked together, each of them having their own patients to tend to. However, Levi didn't have any intersting chatacters under his care so to speak, everyone was dull or had sililarities between them. As bad as it was to say, he was getting bored as much as he was getting more stressed out with the further complications of his people, but no one ever sparked his interest. Erwin and Hanji both had their own few unique Patients that sounded more complex and he had the usual. Though, not much was discussed due to protecting the Patients lives and inofrmation. The trio were all friends to begin with, but then slowly over time, Erwin and Hanji developed more than just a friendship. They were even officially engaged now, Erwin using his last bonus on a pretty little ring for her.

It was sweet in some little way, he'd admit.

But there was nothing like that out there for him, so he tried not to care. He didn't need or want anyone in his life. He was better off alone. At least that's what he'd always say.

"I don't do relationships"

"I don't want to be with someone"

"I wouldn't be any good at feeling anything, no one will love me regardless"

He took another swing of the fine alcohol in his hand, sighing afterwards.

"I'm fine... Thank you, Erwin. I'm actually going throguh my referrals, so..."

"Yes, yes, I understand... But are you sure you're okay, Levi?... You sound... Off..."

"Tch, this is how I always sound. Or did you forget?" He stared blankly to the amber fluid in the short glass, contemplating on downing the last of its contents.

And he did.

Sometimes, doing some things while being on a call with your Boss isn't a good idea. Sometimes it can lead to choking on one of your mid day drinks.

Levis breath hitched as he coughed up the bitter liquid that was now backfiring and burning his lungs and throat. He clutched his chest, dropping the phone on the table as he coughed out some of his drink, grimancing. It tasted more bitter coming up than it did going down.

"Fucking Hell..." He breathed, trying to catch his breath.

"Levi?... Levi, are you alright?..." He heard Erwins distance voice from the phone infront of him, grimincing slightly at the mess of re-surfaced alchol on the table. Lucky he pushed the papers to the floor in frustration beforehand.

"Y-Yeah, yeah, I'm fine..." He coughed again, groaning in frustration.

"What happened?..."

"Nothing, I just choked..."

"You're not drinking again, are you?.."

"No, Erwin..."

He clenched his jaw tightly as he swallowed, ignoring the left over burning sensation left in his throat and chest. He just waned this call to end...

"Right... Well anyway, I'll see you next week. But I might drop by if that's okay with you..."

"Fine. Whatever. You won't listen and take no for an answer anyway..." He muttered

"You know me well... Oh, also, you have a new referal. I'll fax it to you now, let me know as soon as you can if you accept or decline and refer the Patient to someone else. if it's too much, me or Hanji can always take care of it. I know you're stressed right now."

"Just fax it and I'll let you know, alright?"

Erwin hummed in response before they each uttered a goodbye before they finally hung up. Levi breathed a small sigh of releif, his attention being drawn to his fax machiene across the room soon after as a piece of paper was being erected from the expected place. He exhaled through his nose before standing up to leave momentearily to get a towel to wipe up his spilled mess, the annoying sound coming from the device already bothering him.

He came back and, to his releif, the annoying sound had stopped. He swiftly wiped his desk clean and picked up the scattered papers on his floor, tapping the bottom of them in line with eachother against the smooth wood to make them lie neatly with eachotherr before he set them back down in his original organised fashion. He walked over to the black machiene and pulled out the paper Erwin had faxed over regarding the new patient seeking help.

Levis steel eyes immediatly widened upon seeing the headshot the boy had, the fact that it was up to date was even better. He deffinatly looked interesting... Unique. And... Familiar?... 

His eyes were truly something else. The phrase; "If looks could kill" suddenly came to mind as he couldn't tear away from looking at the young face. Feeling as though he wasn't supposed to take his eyes off his.

"Yeager, Eren..." He hummed, reading his profile and record.

The more he started to read about what limited information there was on the younger male, the more of a hurt grew in his chest, something was burning away. He looked so familiar, and yet... He couldn't face him.

He knew what to do...

"I'll be your therapist... Eren..."


	5. The First Step

"What the Hell do you mean therapy?! You can't do that, Mikasa! You've got no right at all!"

"I-I know, I-I'm sorry, I just... Want you to get better. I-I want you to get better for you... For Mom... I did it because I love you, Eren!"

"That's what you always say! I said I was getting better! I'm fine!"

"No, you're not!"

The two breathed hevily in the small apartment they now shared, challenging eachother to a stand off. Eren had now been living at Mikasas apartment with her for a couple days now since she still didn't trust him to go home alone yet. Things were... Difficult... To say the least. It was like they were younger again, living under the same roof.

Eren and Mikasa lived together when they were younger of course, Erens Mother and Father had adopted her after her parents had passed. She was the little Sister he never had, sometimes never wanted, but he loved her unconditionally, like any good Brother should. She had no where to go and no other family to turn to in her time of need. And Eren and his family welcomed her with open arms and a warm scarf on that fateful night. She never took off the soft red fabric from around her neck, she didn't want to forget.

And even though it was probably impossible, since she had worn it since that miserable night, she could swear it still smelled like him throughout. That was the most comforting part of all. She couldn't list the nights where she thought she had lost him for good, the sentimental fabric being the closest she could get to him. It's held her pain and tears for a while now and shall continue to do so for many more years to come if things didn't change. He was her life, and she wold not lose her life. Not again. Not ever.

After things changed due to Erens Mother being killed and his Father missing, Eren and Mikasa lived seperated from then on. Sometimes, even back living together now for however long they were, somethings never change.

"I'm not sorry for trying to save you when you won't save yourself..." She spoke quietly, looking down, unable to bear his rage filled eyes anymore. He was always good at winning their stand offs.

"I don't need saving!"

"Eren, stop it! Stop acting like a kid! You don't think I heard you last night?!"

She froze as she looked after she snapped at him, biting her lip as she watched his composure crack and fall. She knew she just crossed a line by mistake...

"E-Eren, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you out like that..."

"Fucking forget it..."

Eren swiftly turned to head for his room, hearing enough, and slamming the door behind him. Mikasa exhaled a shaking breath and raked her slim and pale fingers through her dark hair, hoping she hadn't just pushed him too much, all she wanted was for him to get better, be happy like he used to be when they were kids...

That would be so much simpler.

She had always adored him, since he taught her how to live again. After witnessing the bloodshed from young eyes, she felt a fate worse than death to have been saved, spared by him. A stranger she didn't even know. It took her a while to come back to life, but she did, bit by bit, because of him. And she never understood why he did that for her, why he would bother to save and protect someone he didn't even know. She could never repay him for what he did for her, but she could at least try and save him from himself... But what do you do if the person doesn't want to be saved at all?...

A couple hours passed and she heard nothing from Erens room, she started to worry, knowing how he got. And how bad he got. She started to panic, trying to convince herself that she had removed or hid everything that could be even remotly possibly dangerous to have around the house with a suicidal person living in it. She diddn't know what she would do without him...

She had always loved him... As a Sister, as a Best Friend... Maybe something more...But an ache in her chest remained, knowing he'd never feel the same way, knowing he would never see her in the light she sees and holds him in. Mikasa grew to accept that over the years, just wanting him to find someone that could make him happy in the ways she never could. But she was happy to be the Sister he needed. They both had no one, other than Armin of couse.He was always like their Brother.

In the end, all three of them still had an aching lonlieness taht never went away, all three of them were Parent-less. But they still had eachother to call home. That was all that mattered.

Mikasa and Armin would be damned if they couldn't save part of their home. Both of them would be nothing without Eren. No matter how many times he thought he screwed up, they still and always will love him. Unconditionally. No matter what.

"E-Eren?..." She asked quietly, biting her lip as she lightly knocked on the door to his room.

"Fuck off!"

She flinched from his harsh tone, of course he was hurt...

"Eren, please, I'm sorry... Can I come in?..."

"I'd rather you stay the Hell away from me right now, but you took the God damn lock off my freaking door, so you're just going to do what you want anyway."

"You know I did that for your own safety..." She frowend, opening the door slowly.

"Yeah, right" He scoffed, glancing to her over his shoulder and rolling his eyes "See? Fucking called it. You can't even leave me alone."

"I said I was sorry... I really didn't mean it, I'm just worried about you... I'm scared, Eren. I can't lose you..."

"What? You can't stand the thought of losing me because you'll just miss standing there and taking the piss out of me? Is that it?!"

Mikasa flinched again, keeping her gaze downcast.

"No, of course not... But why didn't you come get me if you were feeling like that last night... I don't want you doing that to yourself, you're as thin as it is..."

Eren visibally tensed, quickly looking away. He had been making himself throw up for a while now. It broke her heart hearing him, not to mention everything else she had witnessed him do to himself...

"S-Sorry... I just... Couldn't stop thinking about..." He shivered and wrapped his arms around himself "...It makes me s-so sick a-and..."

"Hey..." Mikasa slowly walked over to him and tooka seat next to him on his bed, lightly putting a hand on his shoulder, to which Eren jumped a little "You're okay... You don't have to talk about..." She trailed off, knowing exactly what thought it was that made him so sick and upset.

"I just... I wish I could have done something other than just sit there and cry as we watched her die..." He brought his knees to his chest, resting his forehead against him as his shoulders started to shake, silent tears dampening his jeans.

"I know... Me too... But we were just kids, Eren..." She tried to soothe, swallowing thickly as she tried not to start crying herself.

"Why did she have to die..?" He whimpered "She was so kind... Everyone loved her..." He clenched his hands "She didn't desserve that God damn it!"

"Eren, shh, it's okay, calm down..." She rubbed his back as he continued to cry.

"It's not okay, it's never been okay..."

She rested her head against his shoulder, sniffing a bit.

"I don't know what else to say to try and make it go away..." She cried softly

Eren turned to his side and embraced her, crying on her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him, crying on his. Both were truly broken and were holding eachother together. As much as they fought and argued, they loved eachother regardless. He lost his Mother, she lost her second Mother. Sometimes, she couldn't help but to think she was just bad luck for him. And that guilt ate away at her everyday. Maybe if, they ahdn't taken her in, if they had just left her, if he had just left her to her death, Carla would still be around for him, Grisha too... But her contradicting thoguhts couldn't leave a small fact alone, throughout everything, they of course had a bond like no other. It was unique and to be cherished, almsot unreal. Almost as if she felt it and had it with another before. The more she always thought, the more Eren had always seemed so familiar and comforting to her. Like he was from another lifetime ago. Like they both were.

"Eren...?" She spoke after a moment, lightly grasping his shoulders with both hands and looking him in the eyes "...Please just talk to him... He's a good therapist..." She spoke quietly and softly, hoping he was less angry from the reason that started their argument in the first place.

"O-Okay..." He nodded slowly

She smiled weakly to him, gently rubbing her thumbs into his shoulders.

"Thank you... That's all I'm asking... Mom would want you to at least try... She doesn't like seeing you sad..." She leaned up and kissed his forehead, letting it lingure as she continued to comfort him and hold him close.

"I-I guess..."

She nodded and kissed his cheek.

"We love you, Eren... Never forget that..."

He sighed softly and nodded, rubbing his eyes.

"When did you even refer me to see someone?..."

"The day I got you out of hospital... When I asked them if I could take you home with me... I'm sorry, I know I should have told you then..."

"Forget it, it's fine..." He sighed, biting his lip

"I know finding out you've suddenly got an appointment for therapy the next day through the mail was surprising... Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?..."

He shook his head "No, Mika, it's fine... I... I-I know you're just trying... That's all you're doing... As irritating as it can be sometimes..." He half laughed towards the end, shaking his head a bit.

"Alright... He seems like a decent Therapist though... He looked better than the others..."

"Thank you..." He spoke quietly after a moment

Mikasas eyes widened slightly before a small smile appeared on her lips, not daring to move an inch as she held him close.

"I only want what's best for you, Eren... You'll smile again one day, we both will..."


	6. Let's Talk

"I can't believe I'm fucking doing this... Hey, maybe I really should be in a mental institute..." He smirked bitterly towards the end

"Eren..." Mikasa scolded "Don't... Don't say stuff like that, you're not like that..."

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry..." He sighed "I... I just feel like this is a waste of time... Everyone else I ever talked to before about my 'Issues' just got bored and gave up. How do you know this guy won't be the same?..." He raised an eyebrow to her as he slipped his shoes on while Mikasa shrugged her jacket on, grabbing her car keys from the coffee table.

"I... Don't know. But I am allowed to hope. Maybe you should at least try and have some too... It won't kill you and who knows? It might work."

"And it might not..."

"Eren, for God sake... Alright, let's just say for arguments sake that this is a waste of time. What then, hm? We just leave you without any support at all?" She raised an eyebrow "I'll keep looking untill I find someone that works for you. That's the only way you're going to get better."

"Okay, yeah, I get it. You're being all mothering and caring again you know." He huffed, folding his arms in defeat

"Good." She half smirked

Eren rolled his eyes playfully before reluctantly following her out the door against his consent when she took hold of the sleeve of his jacket and dragged him out the apartment behind her. They sat in the car in peaceful silence as she drove to the address mentioned in the letter that was posted to them in the mail the other day. Eren sighed heavily and leaned his head back against the car seat with a soft thud, feeling evermore reluctnant to move as he willed his body to go limp completely once they reached their destination. Not too big of a place, Eren was always iffy regarding anything involving public places like these. He didn't want the help.

As much as Eren would prefer a Therapist that would do sessions from an office in the comfort of their own home, this would obvusily have to do untill this Therapist got bored of him like all the others always did. They always said he was 'Uncurable' or 'Unsavable'... 'Unstable' being a word they clearly got bored with after so many years. He had a couple of Therapists before in the past that did sessions from the established persons home, and he always prefered it like that. It wasn't public and surrounded by people he didn't know, there was no danger of annoying fake front office Secteraies with just as fake smiles, and there was still a sense of comofrt coming from a form of a home. Another thing was that there was no danger from a home visit to his own house, that would have probably caused him more anxiety than ever if one of his therapists got the chance to see the house he lived in, had a chance to raid for anything he had ever hurt himself with while his back was turned. Pills, razors, knifes...

"Hey..." Mikasa waved a hand infront of his face "Eren...? Eren."

"Huh...? What? What is it?..." he blinked back into reality.

"I... I can always come in and sit with you, you know... While you talk..." She looked to him softly, her eys full of concearn.

"No... No, no, no, Mika. You don't need to do that..." he sighed, rubbing his face "I'll be fine, alright?..." He leaned over and kissed her cheek before she sighed softly and nodded.

"Alright... I'll be right here, yeah?" She blinked a few times as she thought for a moment "Actually, I might pick up a few things for dinner tonight from the store. You're favourite, okay?" She smiled a little.

"Yeah, okay..." He smield slightly, nodding in agreement.

She leaned over and hugged him tight before he opened his car door.

"Have a good session, yeah? Don't be a dick to him." She warned playfully.

"That depends on how he is with me." He laughed a bit.

"Yeah, yeah. okay. I'll see you soon." She waved from his open window as she started to drive.

"Later, Mika."

Eren sighed and glared to the building infront of him. "Too white" He thought.

"Lets get this over with..." He muttered as he walked towards the doors.

Upon his enterance, a sweet looking secriteary with blonde strawberry hair smiled warmly to him.

"Good morning, Sir. How can I help you?" She chirped

"U-Uh, hi... Sorry, my names Eren? Eren Yeager? I have an appointment for 10am with... Uh..." He dragged the cumpled up letter from his pocket and scanned the document for the Doctors name.

"Mr. Ackerman?" She smield, glancing back to him from her computer

"Ah, yeah, that's it.

"Yes, you're schedualed right here for 10am, like you said" She nodded with a smile, reading over the typed up details on the monitor infront of her "He'll be with you in just a moment, he should just be finishing up with another patient right about now" She looked to her watch as it read 9.51am "Please, take a seat. Theres a water cooler right there or I can get you something warm if you'd like?"

"Uh, No, T-Thank you... I'm fine... Um..."

"Petra. Petra Ral." She smiled brightly, making even him feel the want to return it back to her.

"You already know my name, nice to meet you, Petra." he hummed, shaking her extended.

She hummed and nodded sweetly to him as she went back to her work and files, Eren took a seat, tilting his head back to look at the cieling and yawning as he watched the fan above him spin around and around, easily getting distracted.

"Well, she doesn't seem fake at least..."

"Eren? Mr. Ackerman will see you now" She smiled

He blinked a few times, had it turned 10 already?... He glanced to the nearest clock, of course he would be right on time. He nodded and gave the smallest smile to Petra and went to the door she pointed to, a black label reading "Dr. L. Ackerman" at the top. He took a deep breath before he knocked softly and opened the door.

Levi glanced up qucikly, his fingers joined togehter as he leaned his chin on them. His eyes widened slightly, almost like when he first looked at the mandatory headshot of the male his breif file came with. He bit his lip slightly, the irritating burning sensation back in his chest, though, it had never really left ever since his short info was faxed over to him from Erwin.

"Hi, Eren, nice to see you on time today for your first appointment. I'm Dr. Ackerman. I'll be your therapist from now on. I understand you've seen a few others in the past too, but we'll get to that later. How are you feeling today?..."

"U-Um, f-fine... I guess..." He scratched the back of his neck nervously as he glanced up.

And thats when something hit him.

Why did this older male look so familair?... That face, those eyes... Where had he seem him before?...

"Uh... I... I'm sorry... Do I, uh... Do I know you... From somewhere?..." Eren blinked, continuing.

Levi raised a thin eyebrow, that expression he suddenly converted to... Was he having the same feeling as he had been having?...

Surly, such a thing was impossible, right?... No one was on the same page as Levi... But if he was having that same strange ache in his chest too, then...

"You're fine you said?..." he asked, ignoring the youngers original question "Are you sure?... You look a little off, Eren..."

Eren shivered and gnawed at his lip anxiously at the way his name came from his mouth "Well... Um... New therapists just tend to make me nervous naturaly... That's all..." He muttered quietly, looking down and shifting his weight between his feet nervously "Y-You... Um... You didn't answer my question from before... Do I... Do I know you from somewhere?..."

Levi sighed slightly, quickly glancing through his short file for a fast second before returning his glance. A lot of the time, he wished it was longer with more useful iformation. It only made him all the more curious about the boy. He hadn't really put his file down since receving it, not being able to stop looking at his photograph till it was all he thought about... And now he was seeing him in person...

"No, I... I don't believe we've met before. Please, take a seat." He refered to the comfortable seat infront of him with his hand "Unless you'd rather lie down on the Chaise longue?" He offered, the french sounding word rolling perfectly off his tongue.

"H-Here will be just fine... Not that I'll last long enough here to try and get comfortable enough lying down anyway..." He trailed off

"Hm? What was that?..."

"U-Uh, nothing..."

"Eren, there is no such thing as keeping secrets from your therapist."

He sighed and tilted his head back, he was growing tired of this already.

"How do you know you'll last being my Therapist?..."

Levi raised an eyebrow, his personality and attitude was also all too familiar to him, the acheing and the burning twitched more feverent, making him hold in a deep breath for a moment.

"Is that a question of my patience or your cooperation?"

He shrugged. "Uh... Both I guess?..."

"Look, Eren, I would say I'm a ... unique person... so to speak. While I may or may not have much experiance with patience for things outside of my work, this job requires my utmost patience. So that won't be any issue in this situation. You, however, I need to get to know you more so I can understand what you're like outside of my work. How do I know you are or are not going to be cooperative with me?"

Eren blinked, was he just challanged?... None of his Therapists ever gave him this feeling... The feeling of wanting to prove them wrong. The feeling of having to be as high as they were. The feeling of being mentally stimulated.

"Uh... Y-You don't?..."

"So, let's talk then, shall we?..."


	7. A Session Comes to A Close

Doctor Ackermans progress with Eren was slow but it was ensuring. He knew he'd be able to dig deeper. Eventually. He was right in suspecting the kid had some serious issues to deal with properly, but Eren wasn't one to talk about anything of that great importance. Not yet anyway. In truth, Eren didn't really want to talk about anything... Talking always lead to remembering so vividly, which lead to a long walk home... And then you can only guess what the next thing lead to...

As the time ticked by, their session was almost at a close. Levi had given their first session a healthy 2 hour span. Eren noticed he talked more with him than any of his other therapists.

That was new.

Normally Eren was never so open, especially on the first appointment... But there was just something so comforting about the older mans presence. He wasn't able to put his finger on what was just so familiar, the strange feeling in his chest never went away through their entire session, making the younger become distracted and fidget. Making him unwillingly let his guard down and let some of his more simpler personal things slip out. Nothing too deep or dark yet.

Levi had made it his personal goal to find out everything about this boy, the same feeling gnawing away in his chest, making his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder twitch and burn uncontrolably. He was slwoly but surly becoming obsessed with the younger male before him, he didn't want him to leave his office, but he did have a job to do and other patients to see today. What if they traded numbers?...

That would be innapropriate for sure.

What was he thinking? Surly, he couldn't have favouritism among his list of patients... But this Boy...

God.

This boy was going to get him in trouble one day.

And Levi had a strange snese of liking that feeling, not that he knew why... As strssful as his job was, he didn't dislike it. Even with how many drinks it lead him to. He truly did want to help people, but... Who would help the Doctor himself?

The one thing Eren always had hated about Doctors is that they were always supposed to be so perfect. There was an unspoken rule of sorts that Doctors are never supposed to have a hard time with anything themselves since they should be so medically prepared. They would know all the necciseary needed steps to get better or for self-recovery. At least, that's the case for most.

However,

Eren didn't know about the hidden influences within Levis office, or the large bar within his home. Nor the amount of drinks he would knock back. Sometimes during late work hours filling out endless paperwork, most of the time when he got home. The stress of feeling the way he did most of the time, along with the stress of listening to his Patients rambling. He had helped a few Alcoholics before, all excpet one; Himself.

"Alright, Eren. Anything else before you go?" He asked him as he watched the Younger stand and get ready to leave.

"Um, no..."

"Okay." He hummed, nodding his head "Would you like to see me again?"

Somehow, asking him this simple question made the palm of his hands sweat beyond his control... And he swore He could hear the thumping that was blazing in his chest loud and clear in his ears. What the hell was happening? He had never gotten this effect asking this simple question before, he asked all of his Pateints this at the end of each session. What was so different?...

Levi dug his hails into the palms of his hands under his table a bit before he got up to see Eren to his door, feeling very relucant to let him leave. Levi, as a proffesional of sorts by now, was a good people reader. He had to be for his type of job. He knew nothing about Eren had really changed, which wasn't surprising. Nothing and no one ever changed during first sessions, it took time to get yourself better. Progress was always made on first appointments, as that was time for the Patient and Doctor to get used the eachother, bond only slightly. To get any closer than that was strictly forbidden and unproffesional.

And Levi would normally agree, but there was just something about him that made him want to get inside his head in every way possioble... And although that was technically the task and the job he was getting paid for, he wanted to go depper than that, deeper than neciceary. He wanted to know every part of him.

Eren took a moment as he searched through his lost thoughts, did he really want to come back? He had never enjoyed going to places like these, he never enjoyed Mikasa asking him how every session went, he never enjoyed or tolerated any of it. He had never felt the need, want or desire to come back... And yet somehow...

"Y-Yeah..."

And just like that, he had said it without even realising it.

This didn't happen easily, and Levi had a feeling that was normally the case with the younger. A sudden and small spark in his chest from his stuttered response was enough for almost make him fall over his own proffesional words and make his heart beat a little more painfully for some reason he didn't understand. He didn't know if he ever would. Instead, he smiled slightly, nodding and feeling evermore proud of himself. This was probably the smoothest first session either of them had ever went throgh.

"Good... I'm glad to hear it..." He said "Lets see, I'll fit you in first thing next week? Is that okay? You'll be my first appointment."

Eren coudn't help the small smile that streached across his lips at that, smiling was rare for him now, giving everything that's happened. He forgot how nice and abnormal it felt, but always somehow remembered how much the small expression stung and hurt a little after not doing it in so long. He didn't know himself if he wnted to get better, the suicidal feeling within him always lingering, but he wanted to talk to this Doctor for a little more... He wanted to Give Mikasa some peace of mind, at least for a little while...

"That's fine... I'll see you then, Doctor..."

"Remember the tips I gave you, alright? The ones for breathing and eveything else. Don't need you having any catastrophies before you get the chance to see me again."

"A-Alright, I'll try."

"And it's not weak to ask for help, Eren. Remember that. That Sister of yours really loves and cares about you, she'd want you to go to her if need be."

Eren nodded and smiled weakly, waving him off as he left the office, the door closing behind him softly. He blinked a few times and leaned against it, feeling his chest tighten and his stomach moving weirdly as he placed his hand over where his heart was beating faster than normal. What the Hell was happening to him?...

No one had ever made him feel this way before... Not until now... But he was just another Doctor, right?...

Levi was doing the same on the other side of the door little to Erens knowledge, leaning against it and palcing his hand on his chest, feeling his own heart beating irrationally.

"That Kids going to kill me..." He smirked quietly to himself.


	8. Sinking Low

The strange, abnormal feeling in Erens body from he and Doctor Ackermans first encounter was starting to waver away into nothing as his more negative thoughts took over in the days prior to his next appointment with him, although the initial feeling did remain, the familiar darkness that Eren had come to know so well was slowly taking over once again. However, he could feel that it was going to be more difficult to get out of this time around. Little by little, the thoughts became darker and darker. Somehow thinking more about the seperation between him and the older male was making a slightly painful and empty feeling in his chest grow bigger as each day passed, making more room and authority for the dark clouds to rain, his mind claimed more thouroughly by his usual and oldest friend; deperession.

Mikasa noticed, of course, and was becoming concearned. He hadn't talked much after his appointments usually anyway, she always knew they were just mentally tiring for him to go through, being forced to re-live through everything that caused him to be this way, even though each session was normally only held once -sometimes twice- a week. However, he had never made himself as isolated as this after a session. She couldn't tell if it was the Doctors fault, if he had hurt or upset him in anyway, or if he was just stressed from the interaction in general.

"Eren?..." She knocked softly on his door, waiting for a resonse or sound of any sort.

"What is it?..."

Right there, she could tell that his voice was indifferent. It was like he wasn't really there, like he was just on auto-drive. This wasn't unatural, he had been like this before a thousand times, just not to this extent.

"Are... Are you okay?..."

"I'm fine..."

She sighed softly to herself, looking down. It was always one comorting lie after another from his mouth, and she knew he was just saying that to keep her from worrying. As much as the thought was edearing to her, nothing ever bothered her so much in her life. She wanted to be there for him through anything and she wanted him to know that.

"Eren... Don't... Please don't lie to me..."

She opened the door cautiously, as much as it pained her to do, but she learned to set herself up for seeing anything that may be waiting for her on the other side if it included Eren on his own in a room for over a certian amount of time. She had taken in so many unwanted sights of him previosuly... And she always had to learn to set herself up for it over and over again, even if the day so far felt or appeared fine. Eren was always an unpridictable person, and as much as it pained her to have to live like that around him as long as he felt the way he did, as long as his restless thoughts always came back to make him hurt all over again and haunt him, knowing that one day, she might be just a little too late and that she'll open the door to nothing but a lifeless shell of what he used to be. Even that scenario being a possibility, a highly likely one, was enough to shake her stoic core. She never wanted to see him sad or frown, she dreaded the thoguht of him becomning dead, breathless, lifeless. Something she couldn't fix or mend or make better. she just wanted to see him happy again, nothing more and nothing less than that. With that same old smile he used to have that she came to love and adore, the same one that held such curiosity for the big wide world and its wonders that it had to offer anyone curious enough. He had always dreamed about going exploring, it was one of the only things her, Eren and Armin had talked about as kids. They would always come up with some sort of elaborate plan together for when they were older and they'd be so excited for what the future would hold for them someday. But she never expected this outcome. Sometimes dreams die with the former people that once created them...

Eren wasn't the same person he once was, and she didn't know if he could ever be again. As much as she doubted it, she still had a little shred of hope... And both her and Armin shared it. Maybe when he finally had acceped everything and stopped taking it out on himself, he could re-claim his former passion. She understood that this was not something one could simply get over or accept easily, she would be a hypoctite if she agreed with those facts...

For a long time, Mikasa blamed herself for not doing anything as she could do nothing but watch as her parents were taken from her one after the other, knowing that indeed, like she had told Eren many times before, she was a kid, she wasn't physically strong enough...

But it still hurt, it always had. Pain like that never goes away, it just becomes barely bearable to carry on your back. She had to be strong for Eren, as much as she died on the inside along with him on the day his parents were taken from him also. She lost her family again... Even though Her and Eren made it out alive somehow on that day, she lost Eren emotionally... Along with almost losing him entirly in the previous lonely years. There was always that painful feeling in the back of her mind that she was to blame, that she was bad luck and cursed them with her own misfortune somwhow... Maybe the people who were meant to die should have gotten their fate... But Eren had brought her back to life.

The guilt she felt after living with them for only a short time was enough to consume her, but she needed Eren as much as he didn't know he needed her. So she kept everything inside, not daring to let anyting show unless the matter involved Eren. In those situations, her heart was always on her sleeve for the boy who saved her those years ago. She was his Sister, his best friend. And she was happy with that.

She exhaled a small breath when she found him simply glaring to the wall infront of him.

"I'm not lying..."

It took him a moment to respond, but he found the willingness to none the less.

She frowned slightly, she knew this argument was a lost cause, it would get to nowhere but arguing. Which was not unusual either. She didn't want to push him over the edge that he appeared to be on.

"Alright... I'm tired, I think I'll try and sleep... Please come get me if you feel like you're gonna..." She trailed off.

Mikasa had always had difficultly sleeping, ever since her Parents were taken from her. As unfair as it was, it got worse after she received one too many late night phone calls from either a panicked Armin or a Hospital, she guessed that she just always had to expect something to happen if she let her guard down, even to do something as simple as sleep. Though, she didn't feel like she needed it as much, she didn't mind having the insomia... She knew Eren had it too, so at least she could monitor him more. It always always took a few sleepless days for one of them to pass out from sleep deprivation. Sometimes she would just say she was going to retire for the night to see if Eren would do something life threatening while he thought she was passed out. She couldn't remember the last time she had no feeling of anxiousness or paranoia or fear...

"Yeah, okay, fine..."

His voice was still numb as he continued to glare at the wall.

"Alright... Please don't over think... Okay? Please, just, come to me if you need to..."

He didn't respond and she chose not to try and push him any further, she had a gut feeling that something bad was going to happen, and she would be sure as Hell that she was ready for it.


	9. Going Under

It was at half 3 in the morning that Mikasas eyes widened to a sound, the sound of a loud crash followed by something shattering. Her breath hitched in her throat as she quickly got to her feet, thankful she listened to her gut feeling when she felt that Eren was unstable that night. Thankful that she didn't go to sleep. She knew he'd wait until he thought she was unconcious for the rest of the night. She was quick to run to the source of commotion, which she was trying to decide if it was his room or the bathroom. All she knew was that she was thankful she took the locks off of each door, knowing Eren all too well.

Fear was immediatly ignighting in her core and making her feel sick to the bone. Her mind, body and soul telling her that something, if not- everything, was highly wrong and unstable, Erens isolation from before being nothing but the calm before the storm. She willed her hands to stop shaking as she tried to gain control of the situation.

"E-Eren?!..." She called, glancing between the two rooms.

"...F-Fuck!"

Bathroom.

She quickly went to open the door, her eyes widening in further fear and confusion as to why it couldn't open all the way, just a slight crack was all the was allowed to see. She tried to peer in to see the situation, desperate to open the door as fast as possible.

"Eren! What's wrong?!"

"N... Nothing! Fuck... G-Go away..."

"Eren... What did you do?... Tell me, I can help..."

"No... You can't..." His voice was unpredicatble and rough.

On the other side, Eren was leaned against the bath, having already sank to the floor in his despair. He felt weak, worthless and sick. He weakly reached for the pills beside him, smearing more of the red substance on the pill bottle. He laughed sadly as they started to fall into his shaking hand, the white hardened dust getting stained in red. Not that he minded...

He was smart this time, he might have not been in the privicy or security of his own home this time, nor had any locks, but he had his own means of keeping anyone out. And that included Mikasa in her own house aswell. He threw the bathroom shelves and other sorts against the door, wedging it perfectly between the wall and the door itself. His only regret was that he wasn't quiet enough when he eventually snapped, cursing under his breath when he knew that Mikasa had heard him in his frustration. He dropped the empty stained pill bottle to the tiled floor, the sound of it hitting against the cold surface almost ominus to him as it seemed to ring in his ears. He glanced to his bloodied knuckles, examing the damage he had caused when he punched his reflection, shattering the mirror into pieces. He didn't want to look at himself anymore and he needed to create a weapon of sorts to hurt himself further someway... And what better way to do it then with a sharp peice of object that reflects everything it sees and touches? There was no better irony or suffering. Slice by slice he made after he rolled up his sleeves with his still good hand, clutching desperatly to the many pills in his other as his knuckles dripped more blood, almost crushing the medicine as he squeezed his hand tighter around them with every mark he made on himself, every vein he cut into and watched cry out and bleed onto the cold white tiles below him with having a broken sense of accomplishment in his fraglie and beaten mind. His previous slef-inflicted injuries had not yet healed, and he found that re-opening them was easy enough. The metal scented liquid stained everything it dripped onto and it's scent invaded his sense of smell as some of the smaller pieces of mirror reflected the brightness from the light above him as shards of it remained stuck in the bruised and bleeding skin of his knuckles. He had known that scent one too many times, growing used to it. Numb to it. He wasn't sure if he could even smell it anymore, not properly... Not like the first time he tried something like this- and what a rush that was...

"Eren... Please... Not again! Don't do this!" Mikasa called desperatly as she abused the door, kicking it and pushing it tharder and hander everytime he ignored her. She knew there would be something broken and sharp within the small room, she knew there was leftover painkillers in the hidden part of the shelf...

Every sound around Eren seemed to drown out into nothingness, everything looking like a blur as he conentraced on the sensation of the red wetness dripping down his arms perfusoly. He glanced to the pills and quickly downed the bunch in his hand, staining his lips with his own blood as he continued to thrive in the sensation of bleeding out of his body. He leaned his head back against the edge of the tub and closed his tired eyes for a moment and smiling as his body felt limper and limper after each long passing moment. He opened them again to stare at the blankness of the roof above his head as he fought to keep his eyes open to go through his last concious moments of being alive. He wanted this.

Mikasa finally got the door to open the slightest bit more, now being able to catch a glimpse of him. Her eyes widened further at the fatal sight of him as tears streamed down her face.

"Eren! No... I can't lose you!..."

Her breathing becamse ragged as her body started to shake uncontrolably, running a hand roughly through her hair as she cried and grinded her teeth together in fear and frustration. She felt a surge of power in her desperation, adrenaline making it's way into her veins. She wasted no time into harshly kicking at the door with everything she had, the shelf seperating the two slowly starting to crack and bend at her will with each kick that was more powerful and desperate than the last. She held her breath, freezing for only a split second after hearing a loud snap a few desperate kicks later, the door hitting harshly off the wall behind it with a loud slam as the handle dented the wall, breaking off in the process. She ran in quickly, taking in the sight and the smell of her Adopted Brother laying there in his own blood as he drifted more and more away from this world.

"E-Eren... Eren!"

She kneeled down quickly beside him as she satrted to hyperventilate in panic, taking his limp hands into hers, He was that far gone, he didn't feel the pain anymore. He didn't feel anything at all really as his eyes started to close, Mikasas face nothing but a blur to his strained eyes.

"E-Eren... Hold on... P-Please... I'm going to call for help..." She quickly felt how strong his pulse was, biting her lip hard as she felt it grow weaker and weaker with each second underneath her fingertips.

It was then, he disappeared into the unconcious dark abyss, his name being called to him the last thing that rang through his uncomprehensable ears as his tired eyes fell shut.


End file.
